Not according to plan…

Last post, I had the unmitigated gall to give you a list of things I’d like to do this summer.

Sleeping, the first thing on my list.
I have gotten some sleep, with the help of Piper,
my snuggle kitty. {Photo by hubs.}
I have also done some reading.
The remainder of the list? Not so much.

And then I hurt my back.

Now, I have had back problems for the vast majority of my life. Untreated scoliosis, a wreck my senior year of high school, a wreck soon after graduating college…

The pain is just a part of my life. I complain, I go to the chiropractor, I take a pain pill if it’s real bad, and I usually just keep going.

But this pain is new, and different. And 1,000 times worse.

On Wednesday (or maybe Tuesday; I can’t quite remember), I start having what I can only call back spasms. The lower part of the right side of my back is seizing up, and sending pain radiating out to the rest of my back, like a spider with long electric tentacles. Sometimes my back is fine, but the pain starts up again, especially if I bend down. And do you know how many times you have to bend down in a day? I can’t even put on my shoes without pain! I can’t pick up the fur bunnies flying around the floor. I can’t get a roll of TP out of the bathroom cabinet, nor unload the dishwasher. Showering requires a level of coordination I don’t possess on a good day. Even the slight bend to reach the lid of the trash can in the kitchen – a mere three inches or so below where my hand naturally hangs! – can cause paroxysms of pain.

Thursday, I stupidly go grocery shopping.  My hubs doesn’t mind going to the grocery store every. single. day., as long as he’s just purchasing a handful of things, usually milk and coffee creamer and bagels and eggs. Things likely to go bad quickly.

Me? I can’t stand to do that. I’ll wait until even the church mice have run away due to starvation, and then do a big trip to buy everything: huge bags of dog food and the largest boxes of cat litter available; my health and beauty stuff, like makeup and shampoo; lots of nuts and seeds and chocolate chips because I like to make my own trail mix; and of course, food: blocks of cheese and boxes of crackers and bags of chips and piles of frozen veggies (love the PictSweet edamame) and ice cream and pasta and bread and any number of things that can be frozen for later use.

I also clip and save coupons, so I have to stand in the aisle and sort them and look for the specific brand and make sure I follow the instructions (some have crazy requirements, ya know!) and make sure I’m getting a deal with the coupon – if I’m not, I’ll leave the coupon on the item for someone else to use. {However, please note that this effort works: what with my coupons and items on sale, I saved over $60 at Target!}

This endeavor means I’m on my feet, doing a lot of walking, not to mention lifting and pushing and moving and unloading. It also takes the entire day, and, in retrospect, was a rather stupid thing to do, because it only exasperated my poor back.

And then, because I’m apparently a glutton for punishment, I do laundry! {Stupid, stupid girl…}

I try many remedies. I wear my scoliosis brace, but it really only helps keep my shoulders up. {And boy howdy is it super-attractive.} Hubs rubs my back. It feels nice, but the relief only lasts as long as he’s actually rubbing it. Since he has a job, that’s not exactly a long-term, practical solution. {Tho he did carry the laundry upstairs and folded it so I didn’t have to do that bending/lifting/carrying.}

I’d go see my chiropractor; he’d fit me in even if he didn’t really have any appointments available, but (speaking of unmitigated gall) he’s on vacation all week!

I have pain meds, the real kind, but they don’t seem to help. I use heat. I use ice. I use tears. Nothing works. In desperation, I take a muscle relaxer, knowing it won’t work, because it never does… and it doesn’t. Well, that’s not exactly true. The muscle relaxers work in that they knock me out so I don’t know I’m in pain – I sleep all Thursday night and all day Friday…. and of course then I can’t sleep Friday night because I’m in pain and I don’t want to take more of them stupid pills because I don’t like the zombie-ness the muscle relaxers give me. I’m having a difficult enough time getting things done without adding brain-dead and asleep to the mix. The pain alone is making me brain-dead, thankyouverymuch.

Facebook fiends friends suggest things I’ve already tried, and some I haven’t: long soak in a bath, which would be great, and we even have a lovely bathtub, but the hot water runs out long before the tub is full and I’m not a fan of hanging out in tepid water; castor oil, which scares me – I’m not sure of its application, and I’m afeared to ask, not to mention the visions it conjures of kids being punished with it in all them stories I read as a kid; turmeric, which we go buy at a health food store, but which so far has done nothing (to be fair, tis only been one day); massage, which I would adore but I don’t have anyone I trust, so a friend in Texas has hooked me up with a friend here, and tomorrow I go see this person. And chiropractic is also suggested, but my D.C. is on vacation. Sigh.

At this point I would also welcome a back replacement and/or a hot poker, which would probably feel good compared to my current state.

So, other things that needed (and wanted) doing? Not done. No draft of a book cover. No story or book edits. No art made. No writing.

So I guess those old quotes are terribly true (the first is attributed to writer and cartoonist Allen Saunders, not John Lennon as many people have stated; the second to Woody Allen):

“Life is what happens when we’re busy making other plans.”

and

“If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.”

I just hope somebody’s laughing, cuz it ain’t me. :/