As we wind our way through the alphabet (or should that be “jog“?), I shall use the letter J to jump on my soapbox (not that I actually have a soapbox, so I guess I’m actually jumping on… erm… my keyboard?) to discuss a topic that has been bugging me, as well as some of my facebook friends, where we have discussed this very thing.
And no, it’s not the lost art of juggling, nor that of dancing the jitterbug. Nor is it Jabberwocky, my very favorite poem by the wonderfully wacky Lewis Carroll.
J is for Judging
Now, as most of us know, the Bible has a verse that says “Judge not lest ye be judged”, but from my experience very few people seem to pay that verse any mind whatsoever. I find myself judging others too, even tho of course I shouldn’t, and when I realize what I’m doing, I try to stop and I say a prayer asking for forgiveness.
Essentially, this topic came up because apparently some people think that because you’re on food stamps or some other type of government assistance, you shouldn’t drive a nice car or have an iPhone or an expensive handbag and your kids shouldn’t have nice things. Besides being a form of poor-bashing, this is a horrible form of judgement that has no basis on anything except what you see right in front you. You have no idea why that person may be on assistance, or how they happened to get that car or iPhone or nice handbag.
Maybe they’ve been working odd jobs and saving every cent from that to be able to afford that phone. Maybe their mom gave it to them. Maybe they got it while living in a women’s shelter after leaving an abusive relationship. Maybe the kid with the expensive toy has it because their sibling collected and recycled aluminum cans for a year because they love their sister so much they wanted them to have that toy.
I myself have run into this judging thing – I have a nice car. A BMW. A car that I bought used at a super-amazingly low price, that I worked my butt off so I could pay off the note way before it was due, a car that is now 11 years old but looks perfectly new. I have this car because it drives like a dream and I wanted one. And since I’m an adult, I bought one. (And for the record, it actually cost me less than my brand-new Saturn did.)
And then I lost my job. And I had to apply for unemployment, and I felt guilty driving up to the unemployment office in my nice car to get my guv’t assistance, which I needed or I wouldn’t have been able to eat or pay my mortgage. Not to mention, I earned due to working for 20 years and losing my job through no fault of my own.
And then there’s smaller judgements that get made every day. That girl who looks perfectly healthy but has parked in a disabled parking spot? Well, she might have had ankle replacement surgery and can’t hardly walk, or she might have a bunch of autoimmune diseases that leave her in great pain. That middle-aged lady who does the same thing? She might have had four hip replacement surgeries. (And by the way, these three women are all people in my life who have those actual issues.)
Me in 1987. Shy. Nose in book. Skinny arms. But at least by then I had contacts…
The person driving too fast on the interstate? They might be rushing to the hospital because they found out a loved one had a heart attack. The person driving too slow? They might be crying because they just found out someone died. (Those people might also be a**holes, but you should still treat them with kindness.)
The person standing in the corner at a party with a weird look on their face? They probably aren’t snooty – more likely they’re terribly shy and have anxiety in social situations. The girl who met you one time and doesn’t come up to greet you at an event? She’s not a b**** – she’s also shy and can’t remember your name to save her life. Which makes her also feel embarrassed. The girl with no fashion sense and her nose in a book, always? She doesn’t think she’s better than you, or smarter than you… she just has no social skills and is terribly afraid of getting made fun of, like she has in the past. (And yes, the girl in all three of those situations happens to be me…)
Thus, I tell all of you… until you have walked a mile – or 10 – in someone else’s shoes, you have no right to judge them. Just show them kindness. In doing so, you’ll help make this world a better place.
Ok. Here I go….although I can understand your comments here and your feelings. The people you are talking about are in the minority, I am afraid. I used to feel closer to how you feel until I moved here. There are so many people in this area who feel entitled. They receive government assistance and never tried to work a day in their life. Also, there are so many people who park in a handicap spot who are just parking there for convenience. I know this from experience. I was out with a friend who had her Mom’s handicap sticker in her car. She said, “I never do this, but I am going to park in the HC spot.” First, there was a regular spot 3 spaces away. I told her I was not getting out the car if she was going to park there. Having had family members that have required that spot, I have a strong feeling of people parking in a HC spot when it is unnecessary. BTW, I feel sure my friend did this all the time.
You mention not judging people, but life experience is going to affect a person’s outlook on this subject matter. Having known people who abuse the system, it makes it very difficult for me to feel in the manner you do. Although I am not working right now, my husband works very hard as well as so many others. They are paying into the system and not getting the return. If everyone did his best, that would be different. It sounds good on paper, but since we are dealing with humans, certain things really become unfair.
I totally agree with you about the supposed snooty person. She might be shy or anxious. My feelings are stronger on judging people on their appearance, dress, car, job, race, religion, physicality, sexuality, etc. I have always been someone to look past the outside to the inner person. It is a shame that this is a rarity nowadays.
The saddest part of the whole thing is that I find some of the most judgmental people I know are those who profess to be Christians. I find it very disheartening when I hear stories of people getting told to dress better to come to church. Yes, this did happen. A person was told by the pastor’s wife to dress better next time. Of course, the man was wearing his best outfit. This is not what Christianity is about. Accepting people as they are and welcoming them is the best example one can be of God’s intention.
I know I have spouted off quite a bit, and it is not even my blog. Ha! I want to make sure I am clear that I do not think everyone on government assistance is trying to beat the system. I think there are certainly people who need it and should use it. I do not think that everyone using a HC spot is perfectly able to walk. I am just saying that a society as a majority are becoming less concerned about others and more about what they can get for free, etc.
Unfortunately, you are also right. There are people who feel entitled, who do everything they can to beat the system, who abuse it and make it hard for those of us who might actually need it.
I guess my point is – unless you know for a fact that someone is doing wrong, you shouldn’t judge them and assume they are.
As for judgmental quote-unquote “Christians” – don’t get me started!!!!
Thanks for your comments. <3 you!
Hi, I’m Amber, part of co host Pam’s Unconventional Alliance. Dropping in from the Blogging from A to Z challenge. Good luck!
http://neversquatwithyourspurson2014.blogspot.com/
Thanks for stopping by! 🙂
Good words to live by. I am not often successful but one way I try to think about it is unless someone is blatantly flaunting their abuse of the welfare system, there really isn’t anything I can do about it. My life is going to go on pretty much the same as normal regardless of whether or not the person in front of me has a valid reason to use food stamps or is parking in a handicapped spot illegitimately. I try and be a good person. In the end it’s really all you have control over.
Exactly! Only you can control only you. Or something like that.
Judging is never good – for both parties involved. It solves nothing and doesn’t help society in any way. Geesh, I hope that didn’t come off sounding too judgemental 🙂 But I get your point, and I do agree with it. I’ve been judged many times only to have the opportunity to turn that judgement on it’s ear. It doesn’t happen for many, but I do wish it happened to more. Great post!
Thanks for your comments. 🙂