Category Archives: insomnia

there’s always hope

IMG_E8352

I’m starting this post at 5am. I can’t sleep because I’m in a lot of pain. I keep getting out of bed to ice the most troublesome areas – my neck, my lower back, my shoulders, and most especially that bit of my back that is just below my left arm and where a bunch of muscles connect my arm and my shoulders and my neck. I have no idea what that bit of anatomy is called, but it hurts like a very big ~expletive~, and is causing pain across my back and up my neck, my arm to hurt all the way down, and my fingers to go numb and tingly, all at the same time. I don’t have any “extra” pain meds I … Continue reading

Posted in #dSavannahDefects, depression, giving to others, hell, illness, insomnia, making a difference, perseverance, shining a light, the dark places | 4 Comments

imagining pain away (or, it don’t work that way)

Pain is all about waiting. Waiting for it to stop. Waiting for medication to work. Waiting to see a doctor. Waiting for others to believe you. Waiting for a future cure.

dSavannah note: I started this post – well, I can’t remember when – and I’ve been working on it ever since. Even if it’s not quite “ready”, and I can’t think of a better headline, I’m just gonna publish it… I’m sick of looking at it. And I’d like to cross at least one thing off my massive to-do list. (Which never ever ends. Being a Sick Person is harder work than you’d imagine.) I had a doctor tell me that he was able to have a dental procedure with no novocaine because he imagined he was on a beach with storm clouds out on the horizon. And that he concentrated on the clouds. And thus he had no pain. He didn’t say it explicitly, … Continue reading

Posted in #dSavannahDefects, advocacy, chronicillness, depression, giving to others, health, illness, insomnia, making a difference, science, shining a light, the dark places | 7 Comments

#ChronicIllness: the worst job in the world

This photo of a photo is from my first "real" job out of college. When they didn

dSavannah note: This is another one of them there posts I wrote a while back and am just now publishing. Didn’t do much to it, either. Just added the photo and a few words here and there. And futzed with the formatting, cuz, perfectionism. Please forgive typos. My brain ain’t what it used to be. I have somehow managed to acquire the worst job ever, and I have held it exclusively for the past three+ years. To tell you just how awful this job is, consider this: It’s 24/7/365. No time off. Ever. No benefits. There is no pay; in fact, I have to spend money! Lots and lots of money! Having fun is a thing of the past. A social life is prohibited. Okay, … Continue reading

Posted in #dSavannahDefects, depression, health, illness, insomnia, mental illness, perseverance, shining a light | 6 Comments

It’s not the forest … It’s the leaves

dsavannah_defects_noballs

New: Follow my blog on the app Bloglovin. You can also follow by putting your email address in the first box there on the right, and then see my new posts via the WordPress app or in your email. And, as always, please forgive any typos. If that title is too obtuse for you, I’ll put it another way: Being chronically ill sucks, make no mistake. Having chronic, unrelenting pain sucks as well. Being told by a specialist doctor (as I was recently) that I’m in the top 1% of severe fibromyalgia cases and that I’m never going to get better is also awful. But what wears me down, bit by bit, is the rest of it, the small things: the leaves, if you will. … Continue reading

Posted in #dSavannahDefects, health, illness, insomnia, mental illness, perseverance, science, shining a light, the dark places, wishes | 2 Comments

#dSavannahDefects – V is for…

V

My theme this year for the #AtoZchallenge is #dSavannahDefects, aka “What’s it’s like dealing with #InvisibleIllnesses”. Or, in short, {some of} what’s wrong with me. … vision, pt 1 So, I just read this really interesting article/post/Facebook note by a dude who is a software engineer. This guy, Blake Ross (that link is to his very own Wikipedia page), has just learned that most people can visualize things in their mind. He can’t. He has a condition known as aphantasia, or “a life without imagery.” Or, as he put it, a “blind mind’s eye”. The condition only just this past year received its official medical name. Because, who goes around thinking that something you experience every day isn’t something everyone experiences every day? (For me, … Continue reading

Posted in #AtoZchallenge2016, #dSavannahDefects, health, illness, insomnia, memory | 10 Comments

#dSavannahDefects – I is for… (pt 2)

I_2

My theme this year for the #AtoZchallenge is #dSavannahDefects, aka “What’s it’s like dealing with #InvisibleIllnesses”. Or, in short, {some of} what’s wrong with me. This is part 2 of my I post, since I ran out of time to write everything I wanted to in Part 1. … imaging In the medical world, imaging is “creating images of the human body or parts of it, to diagnose or examine disease” (thanks, Wikipedia, for the easy definition). Types of imaging include X-rays (my topic for the letter X in the 2015 challenge), MRIs, CT-Scans, ultrasounds, endoscopy, and more. (I have had all of these tests done.) (Last year, I had *ten* imaging studies done. *Ten*. And they still don’t know what’s really wrong with me.) … Continue reading

Posted in #AtoZchallenge2016, #dSavannahDefects, age, artist, author, depression, dreams, family, giving to others, hard work, health, history, illness, insomnia, memory | 11 Comments

#AtoZChallenge Theme Reveal (!!!)

atoz-theme-reveal-2016 v2

Woot! Woot! For the third year in a row, I have signed up to participate in the #AtoZ Blogging Challenge, which means for the month of April, I will write and publish a blog post every day, except Sundays, starting with the letter A and working my way through the alphabet. The last two years, I’ve been a pantser (as in, writing by the seat of my pants; I had no idea day to day what topic I would write about). This year, I decided to write about a particular topic as a way to Shine a Light Into Dark Places in our world, which is one of my goals with this blog. I’ve actually been {gasp} planning my topic for each day… since January! … Continue reading

Posted in #AtoZchallenge2016, #dSavannahDefects, age, community, family, hard work, health, illness, insomnia, learning, making a difference, shining a light, the dark places | 54 Comments