Category Archives: hell

So this is embarrassing…

Since best practices say you should have photos for your blog posts, and no one wants to see photos of me crying, I

Obviously I haven’t written anything on my blog for a long, long time. (Except in my head… But since brainwave to blog technology doesn’t exist yet, I guess it doesn’t count…) For reasons, mostly my health. And pain. And brain fog. But, mainly, last August I got a temporary, part-time, work-from-home job. The pay was terrible, but it was something, which was better than what I’d been making before, which was zero. And it was totally something I could do, having done it before, and also generally liking the basic concept of the job. (And yes, I’m being vague about it.) Unfortunately, every ounce of energy I had, and every spoon I possessed (and then some), went toward me doing this job. (Even a healthy … Continue reading

Posted in #dSavannahDefects, depression, hard work, health, hell, illness, memory, mental illness | 7 Comments

All I can do is cry…

Chelsea

I wanted to write a post about having gratitude even in the midst of being a Sick Person, but then death smacked me upside the head a few days ago, and then social media flooded with stories of the woman attacked and sexually assaulted by the Stanford student (whose name I refuse to speak), and the lenient sentence he got, and … I just can’t. All I can do is cry. I cry for the victim of that horrible crime, even as I applaud ‘Emily Doe’s’ courage in writing and reading her Victim Statement, and sharing it with the world. It is hard to read. (But I hope you do.) It makes me cry more. But it is also hopeful. That maybe what she went … Continue reading

Posted in abuse, community, depression, evil, family, friends, giving to others, hell, illness, love, making a difference, perseverance, shining a light, the dark places, violence | 8 Comments

#dSavannahDefects – S is for…

S

My theme this year for the #AtoZchallenge is #dSavannahDefects, aka “What’s it’s like dealing with #InvisibleIllnesses”. Or, in short, {some of} what’s wrong with me. … spoon theory The spoon theory was created by Christine Miserandino, who suffers from lupus (an autoimmune disorder), and she writes about it on her site butyoudontlooksick.com. (Please go read how she came up with the theory.) A lot of people with chronic illnesses have connected with and embraced this theory, so much so that we call ourselves “spoonies”. As she said, “I explained that the difference in being sick and being healthy is having to make choices or to consciously think about things when the rest of the world doesn’t have to. The healthy have the luxury of a … Continue reading

Posted in #AtoZchallenge2016, #dSavannahDefects, depression, hell, shining a light, the dark places | 9 Comments

Diving deep into mental illness

Challenger Deep

Hi. My name is dSavannah and I suffer from mental illness. Specifically, depression, anxiety, PTSD, and OCD tendencies. I’ve talked about my issues before, but I felt compelled to address them again in a specific blog post, because I just finished reading Challenger Deep by Neal Shusterman. As I’ve mentioned before, I’m a member of the Amazon Vine program, which means I get to pick out books (and other items) to review. And Challenger Deep was available. BUT… I almost didn’t order it, based on the description: “A captivating novel about mental illness that lingers long beyond the last page, Challenger Deep is a heartfelt tour de force.” Reason being, I fight with my own demons, and I find it difficult to read things that contribute to … Continue reading

Posted in abuse, age, childhood, community, depression, dreams, family, fear, giving to others, health, hell, illness, insomnia, making a difference, mental illness, perseverance, shining a light, the dark places | 6 Comments

Book Launch: Naked in Public

staci_happy

In the early early days of my blog (December 2012), children’s author Christi Zellerhoff answered The Questions. Well, apparently she has kept up with my ramblings (isn’t that nice?) and contacted me late last month to see if I’d be willing to feature her a book recently published by her younger sister, Staci Sprout. She (Christi) said a lot of flattering things, so of course I said yes. (Ha ha.) Actually, I said yes because of the subject matter. While Christi’s book is for kids, Staci’s is very much for grown-ups. And it looks at a difficult subject matter that not a lot of people would be willing to write about, much less write about and publish, much less want to publicize: sexual addiction. I … Continue reading

Posted in abuse, author, book launch, books, dreams, editing, family, fear, giving to others, hell, inspiration, making a difference, memoir, mental illness, shining a light, the dark places, The Questions, writershelpingwriters, writing | Leave a comment

Illness and Language

wordle-Pain_rotate

As a Sick Person (and yes, those capitols are intentional), I spend most of my days doing… well, not much. I go to my many doctors, practically every day of the week. I read (when I can concentrate), I watch Netflix (because it at least distracts my brain from thinking about the pain and my health issues), I sleep (when I can), I cry (which is often). I also think. Which as we all know, is a super-bad idea. Ha ha. Anyway, one of the things that has occurred to me, as I’ve filled out what feels like thousands of New Patient Forms for as many doctors, is they all ask you to describe your symptoms using, well, language. As we all know, language is … Continue reading

Posted in depression, health, hell, illness, insomnia, learning, mental illness, the dark places | 2 Comments

More thoughts on insomnia…

list

First of all, thank you to everyone who has sent me messages, commented on this post or the post on FB, etc. I now have a list of things to research as I get the energy. The biggest suggestion seems to be acupuncture… and it sucks that it isn’t covered by my insurance. (I’m discovering that if something might actually help, it’s not covered.) Luckily, my doctor’s practice has an acupuncturist on site, and hopefully will be willing to work with me on payment. (If not, I’ll search for another solution.) So, why am I writing about insomnia again? Because, of course, I’m suffering it again after being up all night last night, because I fell asleep around 1pm and slept til bedtime – when … Continue reading

Posted in depression, giving to others, health, hell, illness, insomnia, learning, making a difference, mental illness | Leave a comment