Category Archives: #dSavannahDefects

there’s always hope

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I’m starting this post at 5am. I can’t sleep because I’m in a lot of pain. I keep getting out of bed to ice the most troublesome areas – my neck, my lower back, my shoulders, and most especially that bit of my back that is just below my left arm and where a bunch of muscles connect my arm and my shoulders and my neck. I have no idea what that bit of anatomy is called, but it hurts like a very big ~expletive~, and is causing pain across my back and up my neck, my arm to hurt all the way down, and my fingers to go numb and tingly, all at the same time. I don’t have any “extra” pain meds I … Continue reading

Posted in #dSavannahDefects, depression, giving to others, hell, illness, insomnia, making a difference, perseverance, shining a light, the dark places | 4 Comments

imagining pain away (or, it don’t work that way)

Pain is all about waiting. Waiting for it to stop. Waiting for medication to work. Waiting to see a doctor. Waiting for others to believe you. Waiting for a future cure.

dSavannah note: I started this post – well, I can’t remember when – and I’ve been working on it ever since. Even if it’s not quite “ready”, and I can’t think of a better headline, I’m just gonna publish it… I’m sick of looking at it. And I’d like to cross at least one thing off my massive to-do list. (Which never ever ends. Being a Sick Person is harder work than you’d imagine.) I had a doctor tell me that he was able to have a dental procedure with no novocaine because he imagined he was on a beach with storm clouds out on the horizon. And that he concentrated on the clouds. And thus he had no pain. He didn’t say it explicitly, … Continue reading

Posted in #dSavannahDefects, advocacy, chronicillness, depression, giving to others, health, illness, insomnia, making a difference, science, shining a light, the dark places | 7 Comments

what is unrest?

dSavannah note: I started this post eons ago, but my brain just hasn’t functioned enough to finish it. So, this one may be more disjointed than usual. And I’ve taken off the bits I can’t figure out how to write properly, and will (eventually, maybe) put them in another post. If I wait until I can express myself the way I want, this post will never get published. And this is too important to wait. A bit ago (part of my illnesses is that time runs together and I have no real concept of it anymore), I wrote about Lady Gaga’s documentary, and included her tweet that said she hoped the film it would raise awareness for fibromyalgia and other painful, invisible illnesses. As I … Continue reading

Posted in #dSavannahDefects, community, giving to others, hard work, health, illness, inspiration, joy, learning, making a difference, perseverance, shining a light, the dark places | 2 Comments

#ChronicIllness: the worst job in the world

This photo of a photo is from my first "real" job out of college. When they didn

dSavannah note: This is another one of them there posts I wrote a while back and am just now publishing. Didn’t do much to it, either. Just added the photo and a few words here and there. And futzed with the formatting, cuz, perfectionism. Please forgive typos. My brain ain’t what it used to be. I have somehow managed to acquire the worst job ever, and I have held it exclusively for the past three+ years. To tell you just how awful this job is, consider this: It’s 24/7/365. No time off. Ever. No benefits. There is no pay; in fact, I have to spend money! Lots and lots of money! Having fun is a thing of the past. A social life is prohibited. Okay, … Continue reading

Posted in #dSavannahDefects, depression, health, illness, insomnia, mental illness, perseverance, shining a light | 6 Comments

It’s not the forest … It’s the leaves

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New: Follow my blog on the app Bloglovin. You can also follow by putting your email address in the first box there on the right, and then see my new posts via the WordPress app or in your email. And, as always, please forgive any typos. If that title is too obtuse for you, I’ll put it another way: Being chronically ill sucks, make no mistake. Having chronic, unrelenting pain sucks as well. Being told by a specialist doctor (as I was recently) that I’m in the top 1% of severe fibromyalgia cases and that I’m never going to get better is also awful. But what wears me down, bit by bit, is the rest of it, the small things: the leaves, if you will. … Continue reading

Posted in #dSavannahDefects, health, illness, insomnia, mental illness, perseverance, science, shining a light, the dark places, wishes | 2 Comments

So this is embarrassing…

Since best practices say you should have photos for your blog posts, and no one wants to see photos of me crying, I

Obviously I haven’t written anything on my blog for a long, long time. (Except in my head… But since brainwave to blog technology doesn’t exist yet, I guess it doesn’t count…) For reasons, mostly my health. And pain. And brain fog. But, mainly, last August I got a temporary, part-time, work-from-home job. The pay was terrible, but it was something, which was better than what I’d been making before, which was zero. And it was totally something I could do, having done it before, and also generally liking the basic concept of the job. (And yes, I’m being vague about it.) Unfortunately, every ounce of energy I had, and every spoon I possessed (and then some), went toward me doing this job. (Even a healthy … Continue reading

Posted in #dSavannahDefects, depression, hard work, health, hell, illness, memory, mental illness | 7 Comments

Advice for the Over-Extended

INJF

I’m now in a group on Facebook for people who fall in the INFJ spectrum of the Myers–Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI). The indicator is an interesting way to learn more about yourself or the people around you. I fall into INFJ, which stands for Introversion, Intuition, Judging, and Feeling. Every time I take the test, I always come out INFJ. This is a screenshot of my most recent results. (The only bit I find interesting is that I would have thought my intuition score would be higher. Otherwise, it’s spot on.) If you’d like to learn more about you, you can take the official online assessment (for a fee), or you can take this free personality test that is based on the MBTI. Also, Thought … Continue reading

Posted in #dSavannahDefects, community, giving to others, inspiration, learning, making a difference, science | 2 Comments